Missed
by Timeloopy
Summary: A short one-shot inspired by Kate's line, "I missed you."  Jack/Kate.  Mild angst.


She missed him.

There were so many times she missed him over the years. She missed him on the plane when she'd reached out and taken his sister's hand. And when the plane landed and she looked across the aisle and saw tears streaming down James' face as though his heart were breaking all over again. Because that reminded her that she was all alone now too. Not completely alone. But not complete anymore either.

She missed him.

It got better sometimes. During the rush after the plane landed – when James had dried his tears and taken charge one last time – she hadn't had time to think as he held out the airport maintenance jumpsuit and sent her behind a fire truck to slip it on. There'd been little time for thought when she'd faded away from the scene to go find her son. But when she'd stood in the same hotel room where she left him and felt him wrap his little arms around her neck, it had all come crashing in when he asked in such sweet innocence, "Is Jack coming back too?"

Oh, how she missed him.

Late at night was the worst. When Aaron lay tucked safely in bed and Claire slept fitfully down the hall in what used to be the guest room. But at least she slept. Kate just lay flat on her back staring at the ceiling trying to think what she could have done differently. Sometimes, when it was so late that it was starting to be early again, she'd pick up the phone and dial James. Because she knew he didn't sleep much either. They'd talk about lots of things. Movies. Books. Whether Kate should dye her hair or cut it short for a fresh look. Whether James should join a gym or buy a weight set. Anything that didn't matter. Anything but Juliet. . .and Jack. Never Jack because if she said his name she cried and that might wake Aaron. And sometimes Aaron still asked for Jack.

She really missed him.

Missing him was a dull throb at the center of her chest that ached a little all the time. But that pain grew teeth and bit straight into her soul as she stared at the monitor and heard the smiling doctor tell her that her baby's heartbeat was strong and healthy. _Oh, Jack. You should be here. This baby needs you. I need you. Oh, Jack. It wasn't all misery. This is misery. Looking at your child and knowing you'll never see him – never know him_. And she only realized how hard she was crying when the doctor slipped the needle into her arm and said soothingly, 'Just lay back and relax. Someone's on their way to pick you up.' And when James took her arm to lead her to the car – looking so much older than he had just a few months ago, so much thinner – all she could think of was that it shouldn't be James taking her home to Claire and Aaron.

She missed Jack.

Missed him as she listened to James tell her firmly that Jack did what he had to do. That if Jack hadn't manned up and fulfilled his destiny, this baby wouldn't even have a world to grow up in. She snapped at James. "You don't know that. How can we know that?" But James just repeated that mantra that seemed to keep him putting one foot in front of the other these days, "Whatever happened, happened. Can't change it. Just have to live with it." She hated that mantra. She wanted to hear "Live together, die alone." Why, oh why, had he walked away from her to die alone?

Oh, how she missed Jack.

She missed him as her belly grew round and full. Missed him desperately as the tiny arms and legs stretched within her and she felt the life they signified. Missed him as she poured through the baby books looking for names. Missed him as she steeled herself to walk into his mother's home and tell her that she carried his child. Missed seeing the pride in his eyes when his child made its way into this world Jack had preserved with a fierce cry and a red face. Missed hearing the voice of the man she loved speaking his son's name.

She named him Jack. Little Jack. So like his father – so stubborn and smart and strong and brave. Jack was gone, but at least he'd left her a little of himself before he fulfilled his destiny. So, she enjoyed every second of watching Jack's baby boy grow into a man and have children of his own.

But even in her happiest moments. . .

. . . she missed him.


End file.
